We men like to maintain a facade of unflappability. Nothing… not the daily commute, a backed-up toilet, or the new puppy eating the brand new sofa, can upset our personal apple cart. Well, guys, it’s time to come clean (literally) because, deep down inside, all men know that there is one thing that can shatter our resolve like nothing else…diaper disasters!
That’s right! I’m a guy and I just admitted it. Dirty diapers gross me out! But, as every dad quickly finds out, sometimes it falls to the guy to change the diaper. Since babies are not known for “holding it” until it’s convenient for you, the full diaper often occurs in some awkward places.
A while back, we polled our male readers to learn about their diaper disasters. A few brave male souls suspended their personal macho just long enough to share their stories with us. To make everything fair, I’ll also share one of my own first:
After my son was born, my wife and I stayed in the hospital with him for a few days. One morning, the pediatrician came in as I was changing my son’s diaper. As the doctor watched, I whipped the old diaper off and plopped it in the waste basket; secure in my capabilities. The pediatrician said, “Sometimes, when you change the diaper, the baby is still pooping.” I looked down to find the new diaper, the changing table, and my hands, covered in poop! The doctor took over changing my son while I cleaned up.
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I was initially unprepared for the sheer volume of poop that a newborn can produce. But other dads are less prepared than I was. My father-in-law, a man with an easily upset stomach, could not change his daughter’s diapers, as the sight and smell of poop would make him throw up. My mother-in-law tried twice to get him to change the baby’s diaper and, after having to clean up both the baby and her husband, never asked again.
The poop gets everywhere, too. Dads tell of finding poop in the kid’s hair. Toddlers may sometimes try to eat their poop. Seriously kid, I don’t care how cute you are, that’s disgusting.
If regular poop can be daunting, how about when the kid is sick? Several readers told of diarrhea spurting across themselves, airplane seats, restaurant tables and expensive carpeting. Also, If your newborn is a little boy, poop is not your only problem. On at least three occasions, while I changed my son’s diaper, I received a stream of hot pee in my face. My father-in-law thought this was hilarious, I didn’t like it as much. Other dads recounted similar experiences and also, cleaning pee (and poop) off walls, furniture and house guests. Pee issues are not limited to boys, either. I am told that, with little girls, the volume of pee can over-saturate the diaper and leak a tiny trail of pee wherever the little miss walks, crawls or is carried.
Newborn and infant adventures in pee and poop look tame when compared to some dads’ experiences with their toddlers. One dad’s son used to remove his diaper and wipe its contents on the walls. Some potty-training toddlers dropped multiple piles of poop as they toddled about. Other reports tell of diapers so full that they exploded.
Disposing of the diaper, exploded or otherwise, can be an issue. There is a tendency, when in public or at someone else’s house, to want to hide the diaper. No one can know it was from your kid! Dads (and moms, too) have been known to go out of their way to hide the dirty diaper in a waste can that no one uses. That’s great, until someone discovers the waste can (their nose will lead them there, for sure) days or weeks later, and that dirty diaper is now a full-blown biohazard.
Many diapers, as well as those moist baby cleaning pads, advertize that you can flush them down your toilet. Don’t do this! Chances are, they’ll just sit in your drain, clogging it and forcing you to call the plumber, thus proving that try as we may, some diaper disasters can never be averted!